I am a fussy sleeper. I wish this wasn’t true. It’s a pain. It’s a pain for me and a pain for my sweet husband, I’m sure. When we were first married, I sort of had a little motto: I’m up, you’re up– but I’ve gotten a little better about letting him have his sleep while I lay there bitterly. And unfortunately, my sleeping trouble has only gotten worse over the years. I like total silence.  If my husband is snoring  breathing heavy, I politely tap him and ask him to roll over. The spring peepers out my window make me want to shoot myself.  Crickets don’t lull me to sleep- they mock me. If a child needs me in the night, I’m out of bed before they’ve finished calling out.

I also need total darkness. The street light outside my bedroom window is too bright. The lit numbers on my alarm clock are too bright, as well–even set on dim. My husband doesn’t understand this. “Aren’t your eyes closed? How could that be bothering you?”  Really! They are! But after laying there for a while, I get bored. I’ve tried a lot of the tricks–Tylenol PM works. Sometimes. Melatonin, not so much. Sleeping pills are too scary–they have a “sleep forever” connotation in my mind, so they’re out. I count backwards from 500. I talk to Jesus. I’ve tried counting sheep, but my sheep have this crazy habit of jumping over the fence and then circling around to get back in line and it makes me dizzy. Ridiculous. Completely.  I know. But when it’s midnight and I start the countdown to how many hours left until the alarm goes off, my brain does crazy things.

And so in my despair, I finally found a pretty decent solution: The Sleep Mask. Actually, let me rephrase– because it’s really not that pretty. It feels absurd. I’m sure it looks absurd but my  husband is too nice to say anything negative. He encourages the sleep mask. I’m sure he is as desperate for me to sleep as I am. Almost. It’s black and in fancy pink writing it says ‘Do Not Disturb.’ And really, if I’m asleep, don’t. So I’ve taken to calling myself The Super Sleeper when I’m wearing it. You know, sort of like a Super Hero. Super Sleeper. And part of the Super Sleeper mystique is this–it’s never actually on me, or at least covering my eyes, when I wake up in the morning. I have found it around my neck, under my pillow, on the floor, on my head like a head band. If I’m finally asleep, what on earth is going on? Who knows what feats I’m capable of while wearing the Super Sleeper Mask? (Although I must admit, earlier in the week, the Super Sleeper forgot to assume the Tooth Fairy role, and so Super Husband had to step in…oops. I was sleeping.)

So, if you’re having trouble sleeping, I highly recommend trying the mask. I had a white one first, but it was still too bright. I suggest the black. Again, my hubs can’t understand how this could be since my eyes are closed. And he still has yet to solve the mystery  that somehow, when the mask is on, many times, I still keep talking. Huh. Must be Super Sleeper special powers.