If anyone is a little bit over all of my social media lately, I don’t really apologize. I mean, I’m sorry if it’s annoying, but not really. And here’s why: Tomorrow is my birthday. The big 4-2. And a year ago at this time, I literally did not think I was going to make it. Not “make it” as in having a few bad days in a row. “Make it” as in, I cannot go on- I may collapse under the crushing weight of my circumstances- I will never be okay- My heart feels beyond repair- I can’t breathe- This is too hard- What will life feel like a year from now?
And here it is, life a year later. And you know what? I’m okay. I’m so much more than okay. I’m happy. My kids are healthy and happy. We’re peaceful. We are enjoying life. We are enjoying each other. And it’s amazing. I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Um. Your blogs make it seem like you’re kinda still struggling.” Well of course I am. I’m a struggler by nature. But I’m also a fighter. I want to understand myself and my life and my God and blah…blah…blah… It’s a lot. I know. I’ve been professionally diagnosed as an Over Thinker. My counselor told me this week that I needed to stop thinking. So, um. Something to shoot for this year. I think?
But here’s my point. Not only am I committed to enjoying life more than ever and rocking the hell out of 42, I want a record of it. For me. For my kids. Because life comes in waves. “This too shall pass” applies to the bad times AND the good times. And whether it’s tomorrow or next week or next year or 5 years from now (PLEASE LET IT BE 100 YEARS FROM NOW), I will need a reminder. A reminder that pain doesn’t last forever. The weight of grief changes. I can do hard things. I know how to press on and keep going. And maybe someone else reading this needs to be reminded too. For better or worse, you won’t always feel the way you do today. Please keep going.
So here it is~ Happy Birthday to me. And may I have many, many more.