3 Kids Later…Still an Amateur…

Last night, the Tooth Fairy was supposed to come. But she didn’t. Until this morning. And even then, she had to send in a sub because she choked. It went something like this: Woke up. Saw the clock. Started to drift back to sleep. Sat up in terror and whisper screamed at husband, “THE TOOTH FAIRY NEVER CAME!” (While violently shaking his arm) I have no words for her. 3 kids and 20 years later, she still doesn’t have this routine down? Over the years, the excuses we have had to make for this chick are unreal- Apparently, she doesn’t work weekends, holidays, certain weeknights, Passover, Flag Day, in extreme weather conditions or on Oscar night. Seriously? 

Soooooo. When she went in there at 6:35 this morning, she knew the odds. They weren’t good. It was very possible that Cindy Lou Who was going to wake up. And she did. She woke up and LOOKED at me. Looked at me as if to say, “What are you doing in my room standing there just looking at me?” It was almost a little humiliating. And so like any good mother, I whispered, “Go back to sleep. I was just checking your window.” Yep. That’s what I said. Deer in headlights. Cash in hand. Tooth under pillow. I choked. That was it. I tiptoed right back out, deed undone.

That’s when I called in the back up. I begged. I pleaded. I might’ve promised rewards. I did casually mention she’s awake. And then I got back in bed. He had to. Now he had no choice. But he went in like a pro and got the job done. Phew.

I have been bamboozling these kids for 20 years. And I have to admit, I’m one of those moms who loves it. The lengths I have gone to over the years to maintain the charade of Santa and the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy and the Leprechaun…it’s a full time job. And I have loved it. Probably to the point where I have wondered if the kids are now just humoring me and don’t want to disappoint me by letting on that the gig is up. 

At one point, one of our kids had reached an age where, by all accounts, she should no longer think it possible for a teeny tiny fairy to flutter into the house and replace teeth with money. And in the interest of      fairness and her sanity, finally, when she asked me the truth about the tooth fairy, I was almost relieved. “Mom,” she tentatively said. “I just don’t see how it’s possible. The little fairy and all.” “You don’t?” I replied. “Alright then. Okay. Well, how do you think the money gets there? Who do you think does it?” Slowly, a smile spread across her face and she lifted a finger up and pointed to me. “You?” she whispered. “You’re the Tooth Fairy?” “That’s right!” I smiled. “It’s me.” But I could see her excitement and where this was headed. I had evidently been such an expert swindler that this child thought I was THE Tooth Fairy. Like FOR THE WHOLE WORLD. I was slightly flattered for a minute and even considered going with it…but alas…I let her down easy. “Not for everybody honey. Just for our house.” We both exhaled a sigh of relief. That really would be a lot I guess. (Especially considering I couldn’t manage one kid this morning.) 

All’s well that ends well. The little one has her money this morning and I’ve got another shot tomorrow morning with the Leprechaun. I’m ready with the Lucky Charms, the green crepe paper, the green food coloring. It doesn’t matter that we’re not Irish. We’ve got traps to set tonight and this just might be the year we get that little guy.


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