Really? Cheer up? Thanks. Because I never thought of just “cheering up”.
2. You shouldn’t feel that way
That’s so weird. Because I DO. So. One of us is wrong. Feelings are NOT wrong or right. They just are. It’s what we do with them and what actions they illicit or inspire that give them dynamics. You are allowed to feel what you feel. You have wide and varied reasons for feeling what you feel. You do not need to defend them or explain them. Period.
3. Here’s what you should do…
Big. Heavy. Sigh. Thanks. I know you mean well. Really. But your suggestions for fixing my life are unsolicited and not helpful. And, whether or not I’ve already considered your solution, it’s usually not that simple. And if you’re a Christian and you proceed to tell me what the Bible says when I am smack in the middle of my pain and my process…Lose my number. There might be a delicate time and place for that– this is not it.
4. You think THAT’S bad….
I know. I KNOW what you went through. I get it. I get that your situation is/was/will be ten times worse than mine. But pain is relative. Your pain doesn’t make mine better or worse and vice versa. Pain is pain. And it hurts.
5. I thought you were over this.
Great. Now I’m not even struggling right. My timing’s all off. Well I’m not over it. And I wish I was more than YOU wish I was. Sooooo….when I get over it, I guess that’s when we can be friends. If you don’t hear your phone ringing, that will be me. Not calling.
Believe it or not, I’m smiling as I type this. There’s no resting bitch face, there’s no animosity or bitterness regardless of how snarky I sound. (Um. Okay. Maybe just a teeny bit. Working on that…) I have been guilty of ALL of these and I hate myself for it– but I’m human. We all are. It’s just that I know so many people struggling right now who just get railroaded and corrected and shamed for their personal process of grief and recovery. Which is kinda like pouring salt in the wound. It hurts.
What would YOU add to this list?
Next Up: 5 Helpful Things to Tell a Struggling Friend
5 thoughts on “5 Things You Should Not Tell Your Struggling Friend”
“Don’t let that get to you.” Really? I did not know that was an option. Okay, it no longer gets to me. Wish I would have thought of that.
Oh…yes! I love it! This was an agitated-off-the-top-of-my-head list…There’s more to come…Real winners…
What I will say to said friend: You are fantastic. You are gorgeous. And I admire that in your struggle, you smile, you always look amazing, and you are using this to GROW & LEARN on a personal level. All the while teaching your children that parents are NOT perfect, but we will love them regardless of our own struggle. With that being said: I think you are rocking your struggle, and those that have known you (little as it may be), can be inspired by you!
Ohmygoodness Lisa– I could cry– such a sweet and kind comment! Annnnd I now have a new favorite mantra: “I am rocking my struggle.”
As always, BEAUTIFUL! On the inside and out! You are one amazing lady!