So my part-time days are just about over and I’m looking for a full-time job. I’ve been looking for a job for a few months now. And by looking for a job, I mostly mean sitting at the computer with a cup of coffee, getting up 5 times to get something else to eat (since my daily lunch salad rarely qualifies as “satisfying”), all the whilst wishing I had a degree other than a Bachelor’s in Business Administration. Most days I’m equal parts amused and discouraged as I scroll endlessly through the postings and read the job descriptions.

NO SKILLS? NO EXPERIENCE? NO PROBLEM!
(Too much pride and self-respect to click this link)

click HERE for the path to suxess!
(So tempting– if it weren’t for that pesky spelling of “success”–which totally leads me to believe this path leads to no gud and the opposite of success)

Hunting for Averaage People
(Hunt for a new ad copy writer who can spell)

ATTENTION ANYONE!
(For the love of Henry. Really?)

And my personal favorite:

NOW CASTING FOR “MY PET GAVE ME ___________”
I’m interested in this one, for sure. And I sort of feel qualified, since I have a pet. Except I seriously cannot figure out exactly what type of answer they’re looking for– Fleas? Inappropriate affection? Herpes? Carpet stains? Insomnia?

I have been in forests less shady than you people.

Or how about the intermingling of these ridiculous listings with ultra-professional listings?

Cardiologist wanted for busy clinic

Orthodontist needed for established practice

Immediate Opening for Optometrist

Do doctors really use Craigslist when they’re looking for new opportunities? I mean, I barely use Craigslist. It just feels sketchy to me. *Note to self: ask all of my doctors how they got their jobs.

The ones that disappoint me the most are the ones that sound super interesting and that I *almost* feel qualified for…but not quite:

Private Investigator
I’ve read and watched just about every series out there. This doesn’t seem that hard. Risky maybe, but not that hard. Plus I’m a runner. I think that would help.

Anatomy and Physiology Video Tutorial Instructor
I feel like I could be good at this one. Except for the Business Degree thingy.

Seeking Performers, Know-it-Alls, and other Oddballs to Host Trivia Night
I could potentially be any one of these things. This one has legs. But the Oddball part is a little off-putting.

If I were a Class “A” Truck Driver, an experienced Collections Agent, a General Laborer or a “Dancer”, I would have my pick– it’s that damn college degree that keeps getting in my way. And having to pay the mortgage. And feed people.

So for today, I’m eating like it’s my job. Pinning like it’s my job. Writing like it’s my job. And only dreaming of a paycheck. But if you know of anyone who’s looking for a pedigreed Writer/Editor/Researcher/Speaker/Jack-of-All-Trades, Master of  …I’m your girl.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to speaking with you about the various ways I believe I can add value to your organization through this dynamic opportunity.

{Wanna know more? Check out my profile on LinkedIn}